Journey to Adoption

Waiting for News

2008-11-15T16:43:00.001-08:00

When we went through our day-long adoption training last December, there were two couples that we met and kept in contact with. Neither couple has children. When we found out we were expecting, I started praying that they would have their babies before we have ours. I am hoping that they are about to experience the answers to those (and many other) prayers! I have known for awhile that one couple has been matched with a birth mom who is due tomorrow. Yesterday, I found out that the other couple also has a match, and the birth mom may be induced this weekend if she hasn't given birth already.

I am so excited for both these couples! However, there are a lot of things that could happen to endanger each adoption plan. I'm praying that these babies will be born and safely adopted very soon. I'll post when I have news!

Where We Are Now

2008-10-24T21:16:00.001-07:00

I've been putting it off for a few months, now, but I think the time has come to get this story up to date.

At the end of June/beginning of July, we took a much-anticipated trip to our old town and the surrounding areas to see old friends. We hadn't been back there for a year and a half, and we were really excited to reconnect with old friends and see how their kids had grown. Lots of them had had babies. I was keeping track at one point, but I lost count. I met lots of babies I hadn't met before-I would guess more than five and possibly less than ten.

Had we made the trip several months earlier, I think holding all those babies would have been really hard on me. But since we had resolved last fall to pursue adoption, God had done a lot of healing in us, especially me, in a short time. The months and years of infertility (both before and after Jonathan) just didn't hurt like they had before. And I was actually hopeful: hopeful that God had a plan to grow our family and that we would actually adopt at some point. (Infertility treatments had never involved any hope for me, just despair.) Jeff, Jonathan, and I were really excited about our family growing. The nursery had been ready since January, our profile was finally available online, and all three of us were praying for God to bring a baby to be a part of our family. So, when I held these new babies, I didn't experience pain, but hope. And it was also nice that I remembered how to get along with babies! :)

We had a wonderful trip and saw so many special friends. Even friends that we hadn't been in such close contact with had heard about our adoption plans and were excited for us. Word travels fast! We have been truly blessed by all the friends and family who have prayed with us and for us on this journey. I don't know that many of you read this blog, but if you do, thank you!!! It's so wonderful to experience that connection with everyone and know that as God blesses us, he blesses the people who are praying for us, too.

I planned to tackle a big project when we got home: getting rid of my maternity clothes. They had been sitting in the garage for a long time, getting outdated and not doing anyone any good. So, I wanted to give them away while they were still useful to someone. Even though we hadn't been trying to get pregnant for over a year and were 100% sure about adopting, it was still hard to do. Being pregnant with Jonathan was really a special time for us, and I wasn't looking forward to reliving that time and grieving its loss.

When we got home, my cycle was "late." This has happened lots of times before and has meant nothing, so I'm not really sure why I did this, but I took a pregnancy test. I had one from the dollar store left over and sitting under my sink. (If you are reading this and trying to get pregnant, I highly recommend the dollar store tests. They are not as nice and high-tech, but they get the job done and cost a dollar! You'll save a ton of money if you don't get pregnant right away.)

The test was positive.

You can imagine how shocked I was. Maybe. Jeff and I were completely taken aback. I'm not sure how to adequately describe how this felt. We had been pregnant on our trip but had not known it. Getting pregnant was the last thing in the world we expected. It took us some time to wrap our minds around the fact that we were going to have a baby by birth and not adoption, at least for now. Time like days and weeks, not hours. We had been really excited about adoption and were looking forward to the possibility of a colorful family. So I hope it doesn't sound ungrateful to say this, because believe me, we were overwhelmed with gratitude. But we really did feel some loss to let go of the adoption, at least for the time being.

(If you're not familiar with Bethany, you might not know that they have a policy for prospective adoptive parents who become pregnant. The short story is that, when you become pregnant, your profile goes on hold and stays on hold until your child is born and grows up a little. When he/she is 18 months old, you can reactivate and update your profile and get back into the adoption process. We knew this from the beginning but didn't think it applied to us. So, when we found out we were pregnant, we let Bethany know first so they could put our profiles aside for now. We still plan to adopt later!)

Did I mention how shocked we were? In the midst of the shock and gratitude, I did have one big fear, and it wasn't fear of miscarrying. It was the fear of causing pain to other infertile and trying-to-adopt couples. (And if you've followed this blog and this is how you're learning about our news, I am so, so sorry if I am causing you pain, too.) I have heard sooo many times, "If you'd just adopt (or relax,) you'll get pregnant." Or some variation on that theme. Or some acquaintance who has experienced that. The truth is that, statistically, adoptive couples are not any more likely to become pregnant than couples who don't adopt. The stories are fun and get told a lot, but it's just not likely to happen. And, if you are trying unsuccessfully to grow your family, this is a really painful thing to hear.

So, not only did I dread breaking the news to our new friends who were trying to adopt. I was afraid of our story being told far and wide as another "so-and-so tried to adopt and get pregnant, so you should, too" story. I felt very unworthy of receiving this miracle! So many others have never had a child, and we already had Jonathan. So I don't know why God chose us. And we really are unworthy, and it really is a miracle. But here we are, still shocked and grateful, and we did break the news to everyone. I thought it was hard, and I did worry about our story hurting infertile couples. Jeff didn't think it was that big of a deal, and maybe he's right. I was glad to get the news told to the people I was concerned about, and mostly, it went OK.

Sharing our surprise with friends and family has been a tremendous privilege and joy, which I've shared about a little on our other blog. But this is our adoption story, so I'm not going to go into that here. I am still trying to do what I can to slow down the "just adopt and you'll get pregnant" myth. It's hard, partly because that did actually happen to us, and mostly because so many people believe it! I can't tell you how many people have brought that up when they've learned we're expecting. If you were one of those people, please don't worry about it now! But I hope you'll consider not saying that to friends who are struggling. :) And remember, it's not often true.

So. Here we are. Twenty weeks pregnant. Still in shock. And gratitude. I'm not quite sure what to say, but I do know this: God has a plan. He is going to work it out in his way and his time. The journey will not always be fun or the way we have planned it, but it will be for our good. It won't be ordinary. And it will bring him glory!

(If you're wondering...I still will update the blog now and then with adoption information and news...feel free to keep following us!!)

Dear Friend

2008-10-10T12:19:00.001-07:00

Jeff and I receive newsletters from a wonderful ministry of Bethany Christian Services called Stepping Stones, which offers support for couples facing infertility or pregnancy loss. Some months ago, they included the piece below in a newsletter. I thought it captured the feeling of infertility better than anything I had read before. As you probably know from my earlier posts, although we are not childless, I think that infertility is a feeling I will never forget. (It's also how I found Glenna's blog, which you may have noticed in my short blogroll. Glenna featured this piece as well.)

If you're so inclined and would like to step into the shoes of those in the world of infertility, please keep reading. I think the author has captured it so well.

Dear Friend

By Kim Notehelfer

Dear Friend,

Will you be someone who understands?

Will you understand when I tell you that I need a friend who will listen as I share about my journey through infertility?

So many others have only had advice; miracle stories, herb teas, and new love-making positions.

Will you understand month after month when I need to share my disappointment from another unsuccessful attempt?

Will you understand when I tell you that I rage and pound my fists at God because he doesn't seem to hear me and take away this pain?

Will you know to pray for me when I can no longer pray for myself?

Will you know to send me a card to remind me that I am not alone?

Will you understand the tears that well up when you tell me you are pregnant?

Will you understand that I celebrate with you, yet long for the day when a friend's pregnancy doesn't remind me of my barrenness?

Will you understand when I start to pull away when your tummy begins to bulge?

As much as I long to share in the excitement, I find the ache too much as other women encircle you and the conversation turns to motherhood.

Will you understand when I don't come to your baby shower?

I can't imagine the strength I will need to hold back the tears in the midst of baby clothes, breastfeeding tips, and birth stories.

Will you understand when your baby is born and I don't come to visit right away?

Please know that I long to hold your child and congratulate you in person. But holding a newborn in my arms spirals me into a place of envy and pain.

Will you understand that my empty arms are still heavy with the grief they carry?

Will you understand that your greatest joy is my deepest sorrow?

When the months turn into years, and you are expecting your second child

Will you understand that I still long to bear a child in my womb?

Will you still be my friend?

Printed with permission of Stepping Stones, a ministry of Bethany Christian Services

www.ssministry.net

We're Still Here!

2008-09-20T06:49:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's been so long since I have posted. I don't know if there is anyone left who will even read this because I've left my poor readers hanging and neglected!

I have composed so many posts in my mind lately and even had several great things to link to, but obviously that hasn't happened. I read this post today, though, and I had to link to it. Click here to read a not-too-long post about one woman's thoughts about infertility and how it's something she'll always carry with her.

Hopefully soon I'll gather my thoughts while I'm at the computer and write a little bit about where we are now. Although I don't know if anyone reads this blog anymore...

What a great quote...

2008-08-09T07:15:00.001-07:00

I was reading this article from the Family Room about making your marriage last a lifetime. It includes 10 tips from couples who have been married for over 50 years. I thought #6 was pretty good:

6. Have faith that God knows what He is doing. “A lot of people would ask me, ‘No children yet?’ And I’d say, ‘No, but I am sure having a good time telling you how to raise yours.’” (Jodie May)

Article About Adoption

2008-08-07T14:55:00.000-07:00

Here's an interesting article about adoption trends I came across today:

Surprises in adoption survey

Here's what I found most interesting:

"Situations in which young pregnant women decide to put their children up for adoption are becoming increasingly rare. Before 1973, nearly 9 percent of births to never-married women were given up for adoption. By 2002, that statistic had dropped to about 1 percent.

"The number of children adopted from other countries increased from about 7,000 in 1990 to more than 19,000 in 2001. That means about 16 percent of the 120,000 annual adoptions in the United States in that latest year were of children from other nations."

I truly wish that it could be more socially acceptable for women to make adoption plans for their unexpected children than it is now. It's so socially acceptable to be a single mom, and I definitely want to support single moms! But I also think it's true that sometimes it is just too difficult for a mom to raise her child and provide for the child on her own, and it would be a wonderful thing for her to choose a couple to adopt her baby. She still can choose to have a relationship with her child as he/she grows up, but know at the same time that her baby has the exact family that she wanted to provide. One percent of never-married women placing their children for adoption...that's just not very many. I guess that's one reason there are so many families waiting here.

Free Diaper Giveaway!

2008-07-23T14:21:00.001-07:00

If you are in the diaper stage of life, you might enjoy this free diaper giveaway at Baby Cheapskate. And thanks to Cherissa for finding it. Enjoy!

Congratulations are in order!

2008-07-21T14:19:00.000-07:00

You've heard of friends of the family, right? Well, this post is for the family of friends. :)

If you read our other blog, you read a lot about Ella. Dave and Jen are Ella and Delia's parents. Dave's sister Kris and her husband Eric have been pursuing adoption and have been chosen by a birthmom for awhile now. We haven't met them in person but have gotten to know them through Dave and Jen and through our common adoption experiences.

Kris and Eric are parents! Their son, Cole Jacob Jayden, was born last week, and they got to taken him home as their own son on Saturday. We're so excited for this new little family. What a joyful occasion for them and all of us who have prayed for them, and also the beginning of the big adventure of parenthood! Congratulations to Kris, Eric, and Cole! Enjoy these first sweet, crazy days with a newborn in the house!

Watching God Work

2008-07-10T16:26:00.000-07:00

Have you ever visited the Family Profiles on Bethany's website? I look through the ones in our home state now and then and try to pray for the other waiting families. It's so fascinating to read about them. As we put our profile together, I really couldn't imagine anything very interesting or unique about our family, but after I started reading about everyone else, I realized that we are all very different in so many ways! The number of waiting families in our home state seems to have grown a bit, but here's the exciting part: the number of profiles marked "Placement!" seems to be growing even faster. How exciting for the families who are chosen. I can't help but be excited for them, can you?

Flattered!

2008-06-27T05:46:00.000-07:00

Guess what! Remember the tree I made for the nursery awhile back? Well, Shannon at Rocks in My Dryer has mentioned it here, along with some amazing canvas art. Go take a peek! Thanks so much, Shannon!

Please Remember Mom Loves You

2008-06-14T14:07:00.000-07:00

Grab your Kleenex and then read this article. Found by Rocks in My Dryer.

Fun to Think About

2008-06-12T15:34:00.000-07:00

I just finished this photo collage in the playroom. It's fun to think about updating it someday so that it includes pictures of the next little member of our family.

Our Profile is Public!

2008-06-06T14:21:00.000-07:00

Yep, it's finally true! After months of setbacks and red tape (and many answered prayers,) our adoption profile is up on the Bethany website for all to see. It didn't happen in January like we originally thought, but June is what we got and we'll take it! We're so thankful and excited! If you go to bethany.org, you can look over to the right and click on "Family Profiles." Then you can find us listed under Jeff and Amy, or you can narrow the options to our home state and we're on the second page. Be warned, it's pretty personal. We're exposing ourselves a bit to share this with everybody. But, we try to live our lives openly...so here we go!

You may notice that there are about 48 pages of waiting families. With about 10 families per page, that's almost 500 families waiting to be chosen by a birth mom or birth parents. And that's not counting those who choose not to put their profiles online. So, it's safe to say there are many, many people out there praying to be blessed with a baby right now.

Since our profile lists a location, you might be surprised to see me posting about it. (Some of you know I'm cautious about putting information that could divulge our location on our blog.) But, the city listed is just a Bethany office, which may or may not be where we live. Ha! :) )

Now we enter the official "waiting" period, and it's also a time for "networking." It's our job to share our desire to adopt with anyone we can. We never know the path God might use to connect us with a birthmom. That's just one more reason to share our profile with you. You never know when a woman in your life might need to make an adoption plan for her baby, and we would be thrilled to be chosen by her.

News from Sangeeta

2008-06-04T16:10:00.000-07:00

Our good news keeps coming in baby steps, so here's some more from Sangeeta:

"The day we've been waiting for is finally here!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you God!! Your clearances came in and now you are officially approved! You'll be getting your certificates in the mail soon. I'm sending your website profile to our Corporate office."

So, our paperwork from Kendall got to Bethany. We're so thankful! And we'll be sure to let you know when our profile is public on the Bethany site. Soon we'll be able to pray more specifically for a match with a birthmom and a baby since we won't have to be praying for paperwork anymore. That will be GREAT! We don't know how we'll be found by a birthmom. It could be through the Bethany website, through our scrapbook-type profiles that will be at Bethany offices in our home state, or through word of mouth because someone like you knows we're trying to adopt and also knows of someone who wants to make an adoption plan for her baby. It will be exciting to see how God brings us all together. Thanks for your prayers along the way!

Good News (Updated)

2008-05-30T09:42:00.000-07:00

Kendall called our slowpoke state (again) this morning and was able to get them to fax my clearance here. (And she called me to let me know. She has been so helpful.) Her analyst is going to process it today and send it to Bethany so that we will finally be in the clear for everything. An answer to prayer! After that, anyone will be able to see our profile on the Bethany website, and the Bethany offices in our state will be able to share our profile freely with birthmoms. We are so thankful. I'll let you know when you can see us online. Thank you for your prayers!

(Update: Someone commented here and asked whether our fingerprints had come through. Yes, they have-we're just waiting on the clearance mentioned above. Thanks for checking in!)

Another Update

2008-05-29T14:56:00.000-07:00

Kendall called me this morning. Have I mentioned how wonderful it is to have a real person who is technically part of the state bureaucracy but actually calls me personally, gave me her direct work number, and returns my calls? And she's nice, too. Anyway, she talked to our slowpoke state office this morning, and they promised to call her back today. When they call her, she'll call me. I'm halfway expecting them to tell her that they've never received my paperwork, but let's hope that's not true. I hope we'll have some good news.

I should also mention that I asked Sangeeta whether our profile has been shown to any birthmoms. You might remember that it's been available to be shown to local birthmoms who are early in their pregnancies. Well...apparently there have not been any birthmoms in that category so far. Nobody has seen our profile yet. It's about five months old. So, that's discouraging. I'm trying to remember that it all fits in with the plan that God has for our family, and apparently that plan doesn't involve anyone who would have been considering our profile so far. Needless to say, I'm anxious for these last restrictions to be lifted on our profile so that it can be seen more easily. Thanks for everyone's prayers and encouragement on this journey!

(I should mention, too, that it's really nice to be able to see the computer screen without leaning in a bit and squinting. I got glasses. I had no idea that I needed them or that I was leaning in and squinting...until I actually got glasses and stopped doing it.)

News from Sangeeta:

2008-05-28T17:41:00.000-07:00

"Guess what? We received Jeff's [insert name of slowpoke state here] clearance from [insert name of current home state here] Dept of Social Services today (in the mail). Yours must be on its way! Yippeee!!"

The latest from Kendall

2008-05-27T14:36:00.000-07:00

I just talked to Kendall, and there's still no news from our foot-dragging state. So, the other gal she works with is going to call that state tomorrow and ask for a verbal approval and fax later that day. If they can't get that, they are going to launch a federal claim against the state's office. The purpose of both of those is to get the process moving. Hopefully something will work!

Sweet Gift

2008-05-23T15:12:00.000-07:00

I discovered this surprise in the mail today:

My sweet friend, Karyn, sent these to us for our someday-baby. I just had to share them. It's helpful to have something nice in your hand or on your shoulder for not-so-nice things like spitup. She knows this more than anyone. (Right, Karyn?) Thank you for the thoughtful and encouraging gift!

Calling Kendall-updated

2008-05-22T15:01:00.000-07:00

I called and left her a message this morning. I hope to hear from her today because she told me she'll be out of the office tomorrow. If I don't get a call back, I'll try again Monday. I'll post here when I hear anything.

UPDATE: I didn't hear back from Kendall today, and I remembered that Monday is a holiday, so I'll try again Tuesday. I'm guessing that no news from her does not mean that she's heard anything from our state.

Long-Distance Excitement

2008-05-19T16:20:00.000-07:00

Our good friends, Dave and Jen, have some adoption excitement in their family that I just had to post about. Dave's sister, Kristen, and her husband, Eric, are prospective adoptive parents, and they have a possible match with a birth mom. Sangeeta (our adoption worker) has told us so many times that "you never know what the birth parents are looking for," so try to show who you really are, and that special something will stand out to the ones who are looking for someone like you. Well, there's a birth mom working with Dave and Kristen's agency whose "special something" that she wants is a young adoptive mom. Dave and Kristen are the only "young" couple working with the agency now, so they're in the running to be chosen for this birth mom...maybe today! You can read what Jen has to say about this exciting development here. We hope and pray for a quick and smooth process for them and that, if this is the baby that God has for them, that the baby can be a part of their family soon. We've never met Dave and Kristen, but we're flattered that they read our blog! (Hi!)

And, on a different topic...I've been asked by some sweet friends if we've heard anything else from our former home state that seems to be dragging its feet in getting back to us...in a word...no. I'll be sure to post as soon as I find out anything!

Talking to Kendall

2008-05-16T15:02:00.000-07:00

Kendall from the state called me today. I'll say it again: she is super nice. Her office sent a second request to the state we're waiting on "awhile ago" and they are hoping for a response within the week. If I haven't heard back from her by Thursday, I am supposed to call her again to check on it. And of course, I will! Thanks for your prayers...

30 Days

2008-05-15T15:04:00.000-07:00

I think I forgot to blog about this before, so I'm going to have to backtrack a little.

You might remember our most recent delay over a month ago when we learned, among other things, that we'd need child abuse clearances from our previous two home states. Soon after we submitted those requests through our current home state (because they have to go through our state first, then to our previous states) I got a call from Kendall at our state office. She called me, personally, to let me know that the check I sent to her to pay for these clearances was not necessary since Bethany is an accredited agency. (Yay, $20 less to spend!) She was super nice and invited me to check in with her in 30 days to find out the status of our clearances. Sangeeta was really impressed that someone from the state called us and actually gave us a direct phone number to speak with her. So, we were encouraged.

Anyway, it's been 30 days since my conversation with Kendall, and we are still waiting on the state that actually had its own form for this procedure. The form stated that we should allow 7-10 working days. So, I called and left a voicemail for Kendall. I hope she returns my call, and when she does, I'll post the latest news. Hopefully it won't be, "They never received your form so you'll need to resubmit your paperwork." But I have to be honest-I'm preparing myself for that. But praying that won't be what I find out.

From the Not-So-Distant Past

2008-05-12T15:38:00.000-07:00

A week or two ago, Jonathan and I went to the gym, and while I was walking to the next part of my workout, I spotted a woman who looked very familiar. She was petite and thin with gray hair and had a grim look on her face. I could not place her, but I felt a distinct negative "vibe" as I thought about her. Get away from her. Don't make eye contact. Walk the other way, my inner voice was saying, and I had a queasy feeling in my stomach. That's so unusual for me. Normally I would be racking my brain and deciding to greet the person and figure out who they were to make pleasant conversation and reconnect. Not this time! I avoided her and went down the stairs, but I still had no idea who she was.

Later, when I sat down at home to do my BSF lesson, it hit me. She was my ex-OB/GYN! It's been several months (nine?) since I've been in her office, but apparently, I still get that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach when I see her. Ugh.

It may be difficult to wait on the adoption process-OK, it is difficult to wait on the adoption process-but I'd still choose waiting on adoption any day of the week rather than go back to infertility treatments. Ugh!

Mother's Day updated

2008-05-12T06:31:00.001-07:00

I won something! I entered a Mother's Day giveaway and won a T-shirt. I'm so surprised that I had to post about it. I'll let you know what I end up with!

**update** Well, I shouldn't be surprised, but the winner was actually another Amy. One of the hazards of having a great 70's name like Amy (or Jennifer) is that there are lots of other gals in my age group with my name...just like when I was in school. Oh, well!

Waiting Family Newsletter #2

2008-05-09T16:41:00.000-07:00

We got our second newsletter in the mail from our Bethany office today. (Click here to remember the first one.) Here are the latest numbers from the newsletter:

8 babies have been placed with their "forever families"
There are 26 "waiting families"
3 families have been matched with birth parents
12 potential birth moms are in counseling
1 baby is in Bethany's interim care
4 women are living in Bethany's House

The first names of the couples who are "waiting families" are listed in the newsletter so that people can pray for them. The two couples we connected with the best in our seminar are listed right before our names (yay-we're listed!) We're the last couple listed of the 26. Also listed: a couple who spoke about adoption during the adoptive parents speaker time. They're going for it a second time! They seemed like a wonderful couple, and their profile is already up on the Bethany website-I noticed it a few days ago. I'm guessing and hoping that deciding to adopt the second time around is easier since so much of the red tape is already taken care of. This couple's profile went up really quickly, so it must be true.

Mother's Day is Sunday. For those who struggle with infertility or wait to adopt, this can be a really hard time. Going to church on Mother's Day can be the hardest thing to handle. So, if you think of it, please pray for the women who long to be mothers on this special Sunday.

Getting Your Questions Answered

2008-05-05T16:23:00.000-07:00

As we walk through this adoption process, there are so many questions that we all have! Maybe you have some, or you just want to get a better feel for what we're getting into. I found a place that you might like to go to learn more: http://www.bethany.org/. If you go to the top of the page and hold your cursor over "I'm Pregnant," a box will pop down and give you options to click on. I've read through all of them, and even though they are written for the birthmom audience, I thought they answered the most commonly asked questions really clearly. You can also hold your cursor over "Hoping to Adopt" and click on "Domestic" (since we're planning to adopt within the U.S.) But, I really think the section for pregnant women is the best. You can ask us questions, too, and if we don't know the answer, we'll find out and learn more about the adoption process along with you.

Progress!

2008-05-01T15:05:00.000-07:00

Good news to report...our clearances from one of our former states (two moves ago) came through. Yay! Sangeeta just emailed to let me know. Thank you for praying, and thanks to God for getting that one through! Now we're just waiting for a clearance from the state we lived in right before our current home. (Yes, as far as we know, we have only one more obstacle to having our profile shown to birthmoms at all stages of pregnancy and also nationally on the Bethany website.)

Thank you again for your prayers...they mean so much. We hope you'll pray with us that our last out-of-state clearance comes through quickly!

Bite Back!

2008-04-23T17:10:00.000-07:00

Click on the photo to learn what $10 can do!

For the Nursery (and a New PS!)

2008-04-22T14:44:00.000-07:00

If you read our other blog, you know I enjoy Shannon's Rocks in My Dryer. She always has something posted to inform me, entertain me, inspire me, or make me laugh. Recently, this post encouraged us to make our own wall art inspired by Pottery Barn Kids. I got on their website, and of course, I loved the biggest project the best:

And I decided to make one for the nursery. The Pottery Barn Kids website listed the dimensions of each piece of the tree, which was helpful. Artists' canvas was 50% off at my favorite local craft/fabric store, yay! And I found all the right sizes except for the one for the tree trunk. Here's the layout. (Click on any picture to enlarge.)

I sketched the tree onto the canvas, copying the picture from the PBK website. I wish I was good at drawing, but that didn't stop me.

Here's my tree with the blue background and the tree filled in. It turned out way more blue than I had hoped, but I didn't feel like doing it again, so I decided to live with the color. I also don't know anything about painting, but that didn't stop me, either!

Almost done! The leaves and bird are made of scraps of fabric and old scrapbook paper that I bought before I got into Creative Memories. I used Mod Podge to apply them to the tree. Now the whole thing is ready for the last coat.

Here it is on the wall...and let me say, getting it up on the wall "just right" was tricky.

Jeff thinks (and I agree) that there may be "too much going on" in this corner of the nursery. I like for a baby to have lots of bright, cheerful things to look at in his/her room, so I tend to err on the side of too much color in the nursery. If I decide it's too much, I'll hang the quilt somewhere else. Thank goodness for spackle and extra yellow paint. :)

Anyway, here's how it looks! I'm happy with it, especially since it's my first try with this kind of project. Here are some things I learned:

Mod Podge is really cool stuff! This huge project took about 2/3 of a jar.
It only takes a little blue paint to turn white paint blue. Oops. :)
Mod Podge and vellum don't mix! I had a few leaves cut out of some pretty vellum with a fall leaf pattern printed on it. Luckily, I started with the tree trunk of this project and found out that the Mod Podge made the vellum wrinkle, so I left the vellum leaves off of the rest of the tree. When I tried to take them off the trunk, they lifted my paint off the canvas. So, I decided to leave them.
Fabrics with a white background become a bit transparent with Mod Podge.
If I had to cut fabric leaves again, I'd cut them on the grain instead of on the bias. They stretched out and unraveled a bit when I glued them to the canvas, and I don't think they would have done that if they had been cut on the grain.

If you're like me in your craftiness, you know that no project turns out exactly the way you picture it in your mind. But, this one was a lot of fun, and it was a good opportunity for me to think about the next addition to our family and pray for the baby and his/her birthparents. May God keep them safe and send them our way.

**PS!!! I have a question for all of you. How would you recommend mounting these things to the wall securely? Right now they're just hanging on the wall with a little sawtooth picture hanging thingy on the back of each canvas and a nail in the wall. But, I haven't forgotten that a baby yanks on anything and everything and would pull the low ones down almost instantly. What should I use? :) I should probably also have them hung securely in case of an earthquake so that they wouldn't fall on the baby, so that's another good reason for a different hanging method. Please leave me a comment if you have an idea! Thanks!

WE ARE A WAITING FAMILY!

2008-04-15T17:29:00.000-07:00

I just got this fantastic news from Sangeeta:

> Great news. Your adoption clearances are in!!!
> So you're now officially "approved" for adoption. We're praying mightily
> about the out-of-state clearances, so we can proceed with the foster care
> certification.
>
> Your Profile can be shared with clients who aren't due anytime soon. I'll
> go ahead and send your website info to our corporate office too.

I cried a few tears of joy when I read her email. Huge thanks to all who have been praying for our adoption clearances. We hope you'll keep praying for the out-of-state clearances, too, and of course that God would be preparing a birthmother and baby who are the ones meant for our family.

We are finally an official WAITING FAMILY!

(UPDATED: Just a quick clarification that even though we are a waiting family, birthmoms who are due right away still won't be shown our profile because we're not immediately certified for foster care, which is what we'd technically be doing before the adoption is official. So that's why we're praying for those out-of-state clearances: when they come through, we'll be certified for everything.)

Grab the Kleenex

2008-04-07T19:52:00.000-07:00

"Cinderella" by Steven Curtis Chapman
For anyone who has ever been a parent...or a child...

Here's the Latest

2008-04-07T14:26:00.000-07:00

Last Tuesday, we got the latest news on our most recent delay. On Wednesday after BSF, I went to see Sangeeta to learn all the details. (I'm so thankful that Jonathan was with my mom, because it took about an hour.) Sangeeta showed me to chart of requirements that must be met before we can adopt. The number of things we must do to adopt is actually very small. However, since we'll probably technically be foster parents to a baby before we officially adopt him/her, we have to take care of all the foster care requirements, too. And the foster care requirements are much more strict. Most of the hoops we've had to jump through are foster care hoops.

So, Sangeeta gave me the letter from the Department of Justice stating that they had never received my fingerprint clearance. I took that to the police department on Thursday and got rescanned. (This was the first time I had taken Jonathan with me. He thought it was really interesting-the "lady police officer," as he called her, showed him a scan of his prints, too.) It didn't cost anything, which was nice.

Sangeeta also gave me forms-some for Jeff and some for me-to fill out. Some were for our current state, some were for our previous home state, and some were for the state before that. We had to do a little memory jogging and furnish our addresses for the past ten years. Bethany has a Notary who was able to help us (for free!) so all three of us went into the office today, got everything notarized, and turned it in. And now we wait.

When the fingerprint clearance for me comes back, we can be certified as a waiting family. So, best case scenario, you'll be reading a post from me in the next couple of weeks with that great news. Please pray with us that this clearance comes back with no delays!

The child abuse checks from our previous states don't need to come in for our profile to be shown, but they do need to come in before we can take a baby home with us. So, please pray with us that those come in quickly with no delays as well. Sangeeta said she'd overnight mail them, or certified mail them, or whatever was necessary, to make sure that they all made it to the State, which would, in turn, send them out to the other states. Strange, but we do what we're told!

The Notary who helped us was very nice, and she mostly helps with international adoptions. She told us that, believe it or not, it was actually a lot more complicated (and long) to go the international route. And Sangeeta told us how an adoptive family could be matched with a baby at nine months old, and get pictures and updates about the child all along the way, but might not actually be able to bring the baby home until age three. Can you imagine how hard that would be-to have your baby growing up without you? So, as annoying as these setbacks have been, we still have a lot to be thankful for.

Thanks for your prayers. I'll let you know what happens next!

Un. Be. Lievable.

2008-04-01T19:53:00.000-07:00

Well, I promised to post news from Sangeeta, and there is some. I'll try to summarize it here.

*The state foster care clearances for Jeff came back fine.

*The Dept. of Justice has no record anywhere of my live scan transaction for adoption clearances. (That's the one I did right after Christmas.) I will have to have my fingerprints rescanned and do a brand new submission. Once these clearances come back, all the adoption clearances for both of us will be back and we can be approved for adoption. (**UPDATED: That also means that nothing happens until these come through. So, in a way, we're back to square one.)

*There is a brand new law re: families who have lived out of state in the past five years. We both have to have child abuse clearances from every state we've lived in during those years. Jeff and I have to fill out forms giving the state permission to do this, have them notarized, and send them to our current state. Our state will then send requests to the states we've previously lived in and wait for those states to send clearances back here. (**UDATED: Had we stayed put in one state, we wouldn't have this one to deal with.)

I'm going to see Sangeeta tomorrow to get the new forms and information.

Obviously we are frustrated about this, and Sangeeta is frustrated, too. I'll post about that another day. For now, I'll just say:

Un. Be. Lieveable.

Afghan...

2008-03-31T06:05:00.001-07:00

Jeff's grandma and grandpa Don called yesterday to let us know that she finished the baby afghan! Very sweet! They also hoped for some news....no news yet. Hopefully it won't be too hard on them to wait, as we don't know how long this process will take. We are still waiting and praying, just like the many other families in this situation. I emailed Sangeeta to check in this morning. I'll post news if I she sends any!

A Setback...or Not?

2008-03-19T16:45:00.000-07:00

On Monday, I thought I'd email our adoption worker to see if we'd made any progress as we wait for our fingerprint clearances. She beat me to it, though. She emailed because our clearances are still taking their sweet time and she wanted to follow up on as many as she could. And, she was missing the receipt that showed that Jeff had been scanned for the foster clearance. Back when we got this done at the turn of the year, each of us had to fill out three forms in triplicate (yes, nine forms apiece) and have our prints scanned. As I looked through the copies of all these forms in my file, I realized that we had somehow missed this one for Jeff and he hadn't gotten that particular scan.

I couldn't believe it. After all this work, and trying to be so careful and double-check everything, how had we missed-for more than two months-that Jeff needed one more fingerprint scan? I was so upset. In my mind, that set our clock right back to where we had started in December-starting from scratch on waiting to be certified as a waiting family. I ate more than a few Hershey's kisses that day and shed a few tears, too. Most of the time, I've been OK with the setbacks, but this time, I didn't take it very well.

Jeff talked all the details over with Sangeeta and got his foster scan the next morning. He found out that our clearances are taking an unusually long time, especially mine, although I got my prints scanned first. Grrrr! He also found out that this setback won't actually set us back as far as being certified as a waiting family so that birth parents can look at our profile-so that's good and we're thankful.

Sangeeta also emailed yesterday and suggested that the staff at Bethany show our profile locally, right now, to prospective birth moms who are early in their pregnancies, with the understanding that, by the time they give birth, we'll be cleared. So that's great news. Of course we said "yes" to that! We have been praying that God would hurry our fingerprint clearances through, and he hasn't answered the prayer in the way that we had hoped, but maybe this is his own way of answering, and getting our profile in birth moms' hands anyway. Our hope is that, soon, our profiles will be seen by birth moms in our state and on the Internet, too, and this is a happy step in that direction.

Thank you for all your prayers, and we hope you'll pray along with us that our fingerprints will clear and we'll be matched with a baby soon. And we continue to pray for our birth parents, although we haven't me them yet. However, there is a couple we know of that had a failed placement-the birth mom changed her mind after they had had the baby for some time. As you can imagine, that nearly broke their hearts. We don't know them personally, but our paths cross with some of the people that they also know. As much as we're hoping to welcome a baby into our family soon, we hope and pray that this couple has a match before we do. We don't want to increase their heartache if we can help it.

Sarah Groves-Less Like Scars

2008-03-14T21:43:00.000-07:00

Well, I don't have any news as we're still waiting for those fingerprints. So, I thought I'd share this song that has been particularly meaningful to me. My dear friend, Laura, sent this CD to me several months ago (Thanks, Laura!) Jeff and I saw Sarah Groves in concert along with Chris Rice and Jars of Clay (two other favorites!) when Jeff had the privilege of working with Chris on a project for Jeff's company. That was a really cool experience. But I digress. :) This song has hit me in the heart over and over, and I thought I'd share it. You can watch it on YouTube here, but I prefer just to listen without the video.

Less Like Scars

It's been a hard year
But I'm climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it's

Less like tearing, more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like
Character

Less like a prison, more like my room
It's less like a casket, more like a womb
Less like dying, more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending

And I feel you here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars

Just a little while ago
I couldn't feel the power or the hope
I couldn't cope, I couldn't feel a thing
Just a little while back
I was desperate, broken, laid out, hoping
You would come

And I need you
And I want you here
And I feel you

And I know you're here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad, bad situation
But you are able

And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars (x3)

And more like
Character

Anticipation

2008-03-09T15:59:00.000-07:00

We got a phone call this afternoon from Jonathan's great grandma and great grandpa Don. They were checking on how our adoption process is going. Of course, we're still waiting on our fingerprint clearances (no news there) but what's neat about their call is that they're looking forward to the arrival of the baby. Grandma (Jeff's grandma) has knit a baby afghan for each of her great grandchildren. Jonathan has one from her that's very special. So, Grandma has been working on an afghan for this baby a little bit each day since the beginning of January. She'll have the baby's name and birthdate put on the afghan when we know those things. So sweet! We hope that the blanket won't have too wait too long for the baby.

A New Niece for Ellen

2008-03-05T21:59:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine from our old town is becoming an aunt through international adoption! So, so exciting. You can see her blog here. Look for her posts starting on March 3. Congratulations!

More Fingerprints

2008-03-02T15:33:00.000-08:00

Jeff and I got our fingerprints re-scanned on Thursday and turned in the forms to Bethany on Friday. (How strange is it that the fingerprint guy at the police station recognizes us now??) So now, Bethany is waiting on the clearances to come through from the state. Again. And, we think we have everything done that we can do. So much for having our profiles shown by the end of January... I guess we can hope and pray that we are eligible to be a waiting family by the end of March. Maybe sooner!

The Girl I Used to Be

2008-02-27T20:34:00.000-08:00

This poem was on my dear friend Jo's blog today, and I had to share it here. Thanks for sharing it with all of us, Jo!

The Girl I Used to Be

She came tonight as I sat alone,
The girl I used to be.
And she gazed at me with her earnest eye
And questioned reproachfully:
Have you forgotten the many plans
And hopes I had for you?
The great career, the splendid fame,
All the wonderful things to do?
Where is the mansion of stately height
With all of its gardens rare?
The silken robes that I dreamed for you
And the jewels in your hair?

And as she spoke, I was very sad
For I wanted her pleased with me.
This slender girl from the shadowy past,
The girl I used to be.

So gently rising, I took her hand,
And guided her up the stair
Where peacefully sleeping, my babies lay
Innocent, sweet, and fair.
And I told her that these are my only gems,
And precious they are to me;
That silken robe is my motherhood
Of costly simplicity.
And my mansion of stately height is love,
And the only career I know,
Is serving each day in the sheltered walls
For the dear ones who come and go.

And as I spoke to my shadowy guest,
She smiled through her tears at me.
And I saw the woman that I am now
Pleased the girl that I used to be.

Glitch in the Process

2008-02-25T16:10:00.000-08:00

Yes, a glitch! I received an email from our wonderful adoption worker, Sangeeta, today. Thank goodness she is checking on things for us.

Apparently, our fingerprint clearances are trickling in, but since we've lived in another state in the past two years, there is another form we need to fill out an take in to the Live Scan place (thank goodness that's just at the local police department) and get scanned again. Despite the fact that we checked the "FBI" box last time...this was something Bethany didn't even know about. I guess there are not many out-of-state folks around here (not very surprising) so we are paving the way for the next hopeful adoptive family from out of state. They, at least, will know about this beforehand. :)

An appropriate quote from Sangeeta's email: "I can't believe there's a glitch here......but it would seem so. God, give us patience (me included)."

Friends, this is truly aggravating. But what can we do?

We can go back down to the police department, get scanned again, and wait. We did not pray for patience, but we are certainly going to develop it. Or make ourselves crazy. So, I'll choose patience!

Waiting Family Newsletter

2008-02-22T19:15:00.000-08:00

We received our first "waiting family newsletter" today in the mail, which is nice since we're not technically a "waiting family" yet. Some of you have asked about the number of people our Bethany office is helping, so I thought I'd share parts of the quarterly newsletter:

9 babies have joined their "forever families" in the domestic program alone since the last newsletter
There are 23 "waiting families"
5 families have been matched with potential birth mothers
12 potential birth mothers are in counseling
4 women are living in Bethany's House

Bethany's House is one of my favorite things that Bethany provides for birth moms. They are really serious about helping these women when they need it most, providing them housing, food, transportation, counseling, and more. It looks like there's only one Bethany's house in the country. I'm surprised by that but I'm sure there are other ministries out there that do the same thing.

I hope that it won't be too long before the newsletter features the names of couples in our day-long seminar who have successfully adopted babies...and hopefully our names will be there, too!

Jonathan, again

2008-02-21T14:55:00.000-08:00

I was about to post Jonathan's latest baby-related quote, and then I realized that I had already posted the exact same quote here. He's got "baby brain" more than anyone else around here. We really don't talk about it much except when we're praying, but that doesn't stop Jonathan from thinking about it!

The Latest from Sangeeta

2008-02-19T16:34:00.000-08:00

Sangeeta called this afternoon to update us on our progress. She said that our fingerprint clearances have not come in yet. She thinks it might be due to the fact that the laws have changed for people who have lived out of state. That's us! Grrrr. So, apparently, part of our stuff has come in , but not all of it.

She also said that the year has started off busy with lots of matches and almost-matches made between adoptive and birth parents. Part of me panicked when I heard that. (We got left behind! That could have been us!) But let's face it, this is totally out of our hands. God has the situation all planned out, and if this is really going to happen, he has our baby (and birthparents) picked out already. Those pesky clearances from the state are not going to goof up God's plan. But they can goof up my attitue a bit!

She did say something nice: "Your beautiful profiles are on my desk, and I'd love to be able to show them!" We sure would love that, too.

Please keep praying with us that the remaining details fall into place and that our clearances arrive at the Bethany office. Soon. And thank you for your many prayers and words of encouragement so far!

More About Compassion

2008-02-15T07:20:00.000-08:00

We have been following Compassion's Blog Month as they follow several bloggers on their trip to Uganda and have gotten a lot out of two blogs in particular: Rocks in My Dryer and Shlog (by Shaun Groves.) Hope you have the chance to take a look at them both!

Jonathan

2008-02-14T15:44:00.000-08:00

Jonathan keeps saying this to us each day:

"After your long nap, we will go to some places and then have a snack, and then we will go to Bethany Christian Services. And we will talk to them about how we will have a baby in our family someday."

We haven't been to Bethany in awhile, but it's obviously still on his mind!

While We're Waiting

2008-02-12T16:37:00.000-08:00

Thanks to my friend, Cherissa, for sharing the video below and also for letting me know it's blog month at Compassion International. Have you heard of them? We are just beginning sponsorship of a child in Uganda through Compassion. Our Compassion child, Peter, is older than Jonathan but has the same birthday. I hope that, through caring for Peter, we can teach Jonathan that the world is a bigger place than our little community here and that it's our responsibility and privilege to love others in Jesus' name. If you want to read another point of view, you can take a look at this blog post by one of our favorite artists, Shaun Groves.

Everything to Me

2008-02-08T22:38:00.001-08:00

99.9% Done, Part 2

2008-02-08T16:13:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned earlier, I seriously overestimated how many photos I could fit into our profile. Here's how many I printed out:

Here's how many I had left over:

Whoops. I have to say, we are so blessed to have so many special family and friends to provide so many memories for us! We hated to cut any out. The ones we had to cut out were only because we didn't have a clear enough or recent enough picture. We really have an amazing number of precious people in our lives. The extra pictures went here, in this cool mobile my mom gave us for Christmas:

and also here, in our Everyday Display. And we still have tons left over. Like I said, whoops!

Now, if you can use your imagination for a moment, you can pretend to be a birth mom or birth dad. You're in a tougher situation than you ever imagined and are considering choosing another family to parent your child. Here's what you'd see as you turn the pages of our profile. It's probably in between the profiles of many other families you're considering:

You might notice that these pictures are set so that you can't enlarge them. If you'd like the real pictures sent to you, I'm happy to do that! (Amanda, I haven't forgotten that you want them! :) ) Just let me know! If you've read our other blog, you know that I'm a bit cautious (or paranoid) about internet security stuff. So I didn't want all the details on our profile to be viewable by those I don't know.

The profile you see above is in the format required by Bethany. (It was tricky to conform to their formula, and to do it multiple times.) This is the one I made 5 copies of. If you look at the first four pages only, that's considered the letter to birthparents, and I made 20 copies of that. I think the idea is that if someone finds us on the internet or some other way and needs to have information about us mailed to them by Bethany, Bethany will only mail the birthparent letter because they don't know whether they'll get it back. And from what I understand, the other copies of our complete profile will be placed in the binders of other Bethany offices.

I spent time praying for the birth mom or parents, and baby, while I was making these things. I hope you'll pray for them, too. Nobody has seen our profile yet, as we're still waiting on our fingerprint clearances. My friend, Anna, commented today, "Is it just me, or has all this happened really quickly?" It really has. We have gone through this part of the process really fast. Even though the wait may be long, at this point we're still excited and not feeling impatient. Maybe that's because life is very full and still keeping us pretty busy!

Even though this profile-making part of the process was something I looked forward to, and I did find it satisfying, I'm very happy and relieved that it's done. It was hard to decide how to do it, and once we did, it took a tremendous amount of time to do it. I spent many naptimes and evenings working on it. If I had to do it again, there are some things that I'd simplify, but really, it's such a large quantity of copies that there are only so many things you can do to make the job smaller. I'm happy to have it completed.

99.9% Done

2008-02-05T17:00:00.001-08:00

I'll post more on this later when I have a longer chunk of time, but I wanted to let my faithful readers know that 99.9% of what we need to do is done. (Thank you for checking, caring, and praying!) All the birthparent letters and profiles are in. The documents that got lost in the fax world are in. Tonight, I'll finalize what will be on the agency website when we're finally certified and email it to our case worker.

We're just waiting on our fingerprint clearances.

A Change to the Blog

2008-02-02T16:39:00.001-08:00

Yep, I added something just for fun. I copied the background idea from Jenny. A warning to anyone else out there: If you use one of these "free backgrounds," you lose any extras (links, lists, widgets, etc.) in your blog. I lost our "Steps to Adoption" and had to rebuild them. (And Jenny warned me about this, too.) So, it was a fun "time sucker" to add the background. :)

Waiting on the State

2008-01-30T22:58:00.001-08:00

Just a quick update on the paperwork. There are just a few things we're waiting on, paperwork-wise. There are four documents that we already turned in that somehow didn't make it into our file (fax problems, probably) that we'll need to resubmit. That's no big deal, as we learned our lesson at the beginning and started keeping copies of everything. So we'll just submit copies of the copies.

The part that may or may not become a problem (or patience builder) is that our fingerprint clearances from the State have not arrived yet. (Remember that we had to get our fingerprints scanned?) The State legally has 60 days to send the clearances to Bethany before we can start making a fuss, I mean, before we can start contacting the State. The clearances may be in the mail already, or they may not arrive until sometime in March. Of course, we'd like our profile to be available to birth moms before March.

So, if you think to pray about this little detail, prayers that our clearances would come very soon would be wonderful. It seems so silly to pray for paperwork when we've been praying for a birth mom and her baby, but...one thing at a time, right?

And, why am I up this late? I was working on our profile. :)

We've Been Waiting for You

2008-01-30T13:26:00.000-08:00

In December of 2004, a week before Jonathan was born, we saw Carolyn Arends perform at Jeff's work's Christmas banquet. She was wonderful. She sang this song that brought me to tears then and still does now. We listened to this CD from that evening a lot when Jonathan was a baby, and Jonathan and I were listening to it yesterday-at his request-while I worked more on the profile. (One of the only times I've scrapbooked while he's been awake...ever!) Here are the lyrics.

We've Been Waiting for You

Let me hold you close, I know you're frightened

Go ahead and cry, I understand

You were safe and you were warm

And then suddenly without a warning

Things began to change

It must have seemed so strange

To all at once be traveling a journey

All the way to this delivery room

But baby you are not alone

Your room is ready, let's go home

You're gonna like it here

Let me make it clear that

We've been waiting for you

We're so glad you came

We've been looking forward

To showing you the place

There's so much in store and

We've been waiting for you

I know it can take some getting used to

But this old world is where you're meant to be

Life is something not to miss

The taste of ice cream, your first kiss

And when love takes your hand

You will understand why

We've been waiting for you

We're so glad you came

We've been looking forward

To showing you the place

There's so much in store and

We've been waiting for you

And watching you come into this world

Baby, you've made me believe

Another journey awaits us

So when I have to leave

I am pretty sure that I'll be frightened

But even if I cry, please understand

I will know I'm not alone

When my room is ready I'll go home

And when I reach the gate

I'm going to hear them saying

We've been waiting for you

We're so glad you came

We've been looking forward

To showing you the place

There's so much in store and

We've been waiting for you

Harder Than I Thought

2008-01-29T05:42:00.000-08:00

I've been working like crazy on our profile. I thought that, if I spent time on it this weekend, I'd have it ready to turn in Monday morning. As it turns out, that wasn't realistic! I completely underestimated how long it would take to make 5 copies of some parts and 20 copies of others. And since I'm used to working in a 12x12 space, the 8 1/2 x 11 that I have here seems really small. I ordered too many pictures and had to narrow it way down. If I didn't have experience scrapbooking through my hobby/addiction/business, I don't know how we would have done this part!

That being said, I really have enjoyed putting all these pictures and words together. How in the world does someone meet you through pictures and words??? That remains to be seen, but here's what we came up with.

This is the "Adoptive Family Information," all fronts and backs showing. We need 20 copies of this, minimum.

Here are our picture pages, front...

and back. We need 5 copies of these, minimum.

And here's what the whole packet will look like. I've set these pictures so that you can't click on them to enlarge, but if anyone would like to see this in person, I'd love to show it to you!

We will probably also make extra copies to share with others..."networking on our own," as they call it. I'm hoping to be able to have our profile shared at the Bethany offices in the last two towns we've lived in, and I'll also make some for people who may be in the position to meet women or couples who need to make adoption plans for a baby. But, first things first...I need to get these 5 and 20 copies finished.

Even though it's been tons of work, it's very satisfying to see tangible results of my work and pray for these unknown people who will be looking at our profile. They are certainly going through much tougher circumstances than I can imagine. I hope you'll pray for these birth parents and babies with us, too.

And about the CPR class, it was great! It exceeded our expectations. As it turns out, the guidelines for CPR have changed significantly since I first learned it. Now everyone (babies, too) gets 30 chest compressions per 2 breaths. Those are numbers I can remember, and I was always afraid of forgetting those numbers before. The instructor really emphasized that the reason you're doing CPR is that you have a dead person on your hands and you're trying to keep blood flowing to the brain until the paramedics get there. The average response time of an ambulance is 8-10 minutes, but the brain dies within 6. So, without CPR, the person will not make it unless someone is doing CPR. Very motivating, although I hope I never have to do it. We talked about the Heimlich maneuver, too, of course. Despite all our instincts to knock a person on the back if they're coughing (babies included,) that actually should never be done. It makes the item get more stuck than before. If someone's coughing, we're supposed to let them keep coughing and only do the Heimlich if they can't breathe/talk. (Which, for an infant, actually is turning the baby upside down and whacking their back.) It scared me, thinking about all these rescue procedures, but I feel prepared again, since I had gotten pretty rusty.

I'm hoping to turn in our profile to Sangeeta tomorrow (not as early as Monday, which was my first plan.) We'll also turn in documents to have our profile listed on Bethany's website. I'll post more when I have more news.

CPR Day

2008-01-26T07:24:00.000-08:00

Today's the day of our CPR/First Aid training. It's a big milestone! This is the last big "hoop" we need to jump through before our assessment is completed and we're officially eligible to be adoptive parents. (Or, eligible to wait to be adoptive parents...) We're also waiting for some things to "trickle in," as Sangeeta put it, like our fingerprint clearances. And we need to finish our disaster plan this weekend. But, the training is the last thing we need to go and do.

I have all the pictures and materials to make our profile. (There are around 500 pictures...thank goodness for the Power Sort! We have to make 5 copies of some parts of the profile and 20 copies of other parts, so that requires a lot of pictures.) I got our rough draft back from Sangeeta on Friday. Since she and many other people she works with have been doing adoption for 20+ years, it's nice that they would share their input with us so that we could tailor or information to what a birth mother may want to know. It's tricky since she may be 15 or 40, may or may not already have children, and may or may not be sure about choosing adoption for her baby. It really feels like we're putting our entire family out there for judgment by anyone. And, really...we are. We are thankful that although we make our plans, God orders our steps. If this is what God wants, he will be the one to place our family on a birth mother's heart.

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

New Snapshots

2008-01-20T15:15:00.000-08:00

We decided to give some pictures a try. I did a major coverup on my black eye since the swelling has gone down a lot. We zoomed in quite a bit more than this on the actual pictures that we had printed out. Unfortunately, none of them were close in on our faces, which I think they were supposed to be. Asking a three year old to be patient for a lot of pictures seems to be asking a lot, so we couldn't really re-pose to get close ups. (Cherissa, I wish you and your photographic talent were here...instead, we used the timer on our camera.)

Thinking about showing our pictures to someone we don't know seems so strange. I wonder what they reveal. We're supposed to look warm and friendly. Do we look warm and friendly? (I think and hope that we are warm and friendly in real life...but I wonder...do we look like it?) Do we look affectionate? Stiff? Relaxed? Posed? Impatient?

This is so out of our hands, really...I just hope and pray that the right birthmom who is having the baby that needs to be in our family will know that we are the right family. And I hope we don't go crazy waiting. Waiting hasn't been too hard so far because we've been working so hard on being approved.

A Speed Bump

2008-01-16T21:51:00.000-08:00

So, we've been plugging away at all our stuff. We're writing and revising and rewriting our letter to birthparents. I sent a bunch of pictures we're considering to Sangeeta (our adoption worker) to get her advice on which ones to use and not use. We're working on our physicals and getting our lab work done. We just keep plugging away.

Sangeeta made a couple of suggestions for our pictures. We need one of the three of us in front of our house. It's more personal than just the picture of the house, and we want to show that we're warm and friendly. And, we need some better pictures of the three of us. This year's Christmas snapshot was OK but not fantastic. I loved last year's, but Jonathan is a totally different kid than last year. And my hair is short now. (If I knew that would disqualify so many of our pictures from being "current," I might not have chopped off my hair.) So, we need to have someone take our picture in front of the house and then take a bunch of us outdoors somewhere and get some good ones to choose from. (Luckily a lot of things, like grass, stay green all winter here!) So, it's not that big of a deal, except for one thing.

One pretty important thing......

Brace yourself...

Yes, I have a hideous black eye. Clearly not photogenic. Clearly not something we want to include in our profile. Ugh!

Early Tuesday morning, I turned over in my sleep. Apparently, I had been sleeping on my left arm, because I couldn't feel it at all. When I turned over, some part of my left hand hit my eye. It hurt a bit, but I went right back to sleep. When I woke up, I was seeing double. I felt my left eye, and it was almost swollen shut. I iced it for awhile, which helped the swelling, but over the course of the day, it turned purple. Today it looked even worse, as you can see. I'm the Mommy Monster.

This is definitely going to slow down any picture taking we need to do. Sangeeta says we can use the ones we have and replace them with better ones when my eye looks better.

Ugh.

Update, Saturday, January 19:

A face only a mother could love. Probably only my mother-not a birth mother! Ugh.

More Progress

2008-01-10T15:16:00.001-08:00

We're plugging away at our list. We have:

Had our fingerprints scanned
Finished our self-study questions (whew!)
Proven that we have health insurance
Bought the lock for the chemicals

We still need to:

Finish getting physicals
Attend the CPR/First Aid class
Copy our drivers licenses
Gate the stairs (by the time a baby is here)
Complete our disaster plan
Get a fire escape ladder (by the time a baby is here)

Yep, we're plugging away!

Progress and a Date

2008-01-04T15:46:00.001-08:00

We've found a CPR/First Aid training class to attend that is less than $75/person and is less than a full day. YAY! We'll spend the morning of Jan. 26th getting recertified in all this stuff, and we only have to drive a couple of towns south and pay $40/person. It's exciting to me that we have a date because now we can make it a goal to get all the other stuff I mentioned before done before then. (It may be a challenge to get the profile done by then, but we'll sure work on it.) We can't have our profile shown until all the stuff on that list is done. Also our reference checks need to be in. I guess there are a lot of "and alsos" in this process.

So that's the date, and here's the progress:

We've been working on getting the nursery in order so that we can take a picture of it to put in the profile for the birth mom or parents to see.

You might notice that it's dark outside. We're getting some blustery, rainy weather here-a rarity-and it's wonderful! (Most locals here would think that's crazy, but we miss the exciting weather we left behind in our last two homes.

Going Public

2007-12-30T12:07:00.000-08:00

As you probably read on our family blog, this blog is now public! I've been keeping it for my own purposes since October, and now anyone can read it. (Anyone could have read it before...but I just hadn't mentioned it to anyone.) So, to our new readers, welcome and thank you for taking the time to read about this journey (and steep learning curve) we're on together.

I won't post updates as often as on Jonathan's blog, but I'll still post fairly regularly. You're always welcome to leave a comment below each post by clicking on "Comments."

Happy New Year!

Home Study

2007-12-28T17:01:00.000-08:00

We had it today! Sangeeta came at 1 p.m., and I have to say, I was very nervous. Jeff wasn't as nervous, but we did spend a lot of time trying to get things in order for her visit. We had a checklist that we knew she'd be going over, and she did do that. But, she also spent a lot of time getting a feel for our home and getting to know Jonathan. It wasn't as tense and rigid as I had thought it might be.

The amazing thing is that we learned that we can start having our profile shown to birthmoms in JANUARY! We have a few things to do first:

Finish getting our fingerprints scanned
Finish our self-study questions
Get physicals
Get recertified in CPR/First Aid
Copy drivers licenses
Prove that we have health insurance
Put gates on the stairs
Lock up the chemicals
Complete our disaster plan
Get a fire escape ladder for an upstairs window

This is what's left on the list that we have been tackling. Now we can get busy on the profile! Wow, had I known it would come so quickly, I might have been more prepared. Of course, once we have our profile ready, we're going to be doing a lot of waiting. But it's still exciting.

Individual Interviews

2007-12-24T07:17:00.000-08:00

Jeff and I both had them last week! Jeff had his first, and after hearing about his and all the deep questions he had to answer, I was nervous about mine the following day (Thursday.) Would the "stuff" that we're both bringing into this be a deal breaker? I really hoped not. She asked lots of questions about our childhoods, marriage, personality, parenting, etc. I think it went well. Again, two hours of talking was pretty tiring. Since we're doing this a little bit backwards after they lost our initial paperwork, there are some secondary things Jeff and I are working on that most people have done before the interviews and home study. We're working on self-study questions, getting our fingerprints scanned, getting our home safe for a baby, getting recertified in CPR and First Aid, and a huge list of other things that's pretty overwhelming. We're just trying to take one thing at a time.

The home safety thing alone is daunting. Since we moved here after Jonathan was two, and because he's not a very adventurous boy, there are some things we've never worried about, like gates on the stairs. Those are going to be tricky. I've purchased the required fire extinguisher, and I have a plan for relocating our cleaning products and meds, but the gates are going to take some more work.

It may not have been a good idea to schedule our home study the Friday after Christmas, but since the ball is rolling, and rolling fast, we hated to slow it down.

On a separate note, we had one of our family's Christmas gatherings last night. My dad's girlfriend's daughters were asking questions about this whole process, what age baby we could ask for, etc. I'm really happy for anyone to be asking questions because I know this is a very new experience not only for us but for everyone we're related to. Many of our friends are familiar with adoption or who have friends who have been through it, but I don't think many of our relatives are very familiar with it.

On Thursday when I brought Jonathan to my neighbor's house to play with her son during my interview, I told Jonathan that I would be going to Bethany Christian Services to talk to them about a baby coming to be in our family someday. (And, by the way, he can say "Bethany Christian Services!") He said, "What's the name of that baby?" I asked him what he thought it should be, and he couldn't figure that out. I told him that maybe the baby's name would be Benjamin, or maybe Grace. He said, "That baby's name is Grace." He's absolutely convinced it's Grace. We'll see if he's right.

Intake Interviews

2007-12-19T14:05:00.001-08:00

On Saturday, Jeff and I met with Sangeeta for two hours for our joint intake interview. I was exhausted afterwards! Not that it went badly, because I think it was all very comfortable and pleasant, but I was just worn out from two hours of talking. She spent a lot of time getting to know us and learn what our expectations are as we begin the adoption process. I'm so thankful that Jeff and I are on the same page in all of this, and I hope that God is clearing the path for us as we move forward.

Two things stand out in my mind that Sangeeta shared with us: One is that, because we already have Jonathan, we may have to wait longer for a birthmom to choose us than we would if we didn't have a child. The other is that, as we are open to a cross-racial adoption, it might help the birthmom be more comfortable choosing us if she knows that we would like to adopt again later on. Then she won't have concerns about us having Jonathan, and her child (who looks different than our family) and nobody else afterwards. I keep wondering what in the world we have to offer a baby that comes from a different culture than ours. We're not exactly diverse or colorful, and although it would be nice to be able to offer that, I'm not sorry for who we are. So, I guess we'll just be willing to share what we have and hope that God is preparing a baby for us!

Jeff's individual interivew is today and mine is tomorrow. We have lots and lots more paperwork to fill out after that.

Dear Birthmother, Thank You for Our Baby

2007-12-19T13:56:00.000-08:00

Here's another part of our required reading that I really enjoyed. Everything I read is helping me to get a better idea of what we're getting into-and I'm falling in love with the idea of adoption more and more. This book, Dear Birthmother, Thank You for Our Baby, is by Silber and Speedlin. The authors explore what they call the four myths of adoption:

The birthmother obviously doesn't care about her child or she wouldn't have given him away.
Secrecy in every phase of the adoption process is necessary to protect all parties.
Both the birthmother and birthfather will forget about their unwanted child.
If the adoptee really loved his adoptive family, he would not have to search for his birthparents.

The authors were part of the closed adoption process back when that was the norm. Through their interactions with birthparents, adoptive parents, and adoptees, they learned some unexpected truths about all parties involved. A lot of what they learned and what they share in the book is through letters written by birthparents and adoptive parents. I loved reading these heartfelt letters. I couldn't help but feel the love that both sets of parents-birth and adoptive-have for their child. It was also really obvious that both sets of parents came to love and appreciate each other in many of these situations.

I don't feel like what I have to say has much of a flow to it today...so this may not be making sense. But, I really enjoyed this book. It had a somewhat clinical feel to it, but since it was peppered with personal letters, I loved it and got a lot out of it.

The Seminar, the Paperwork, and the Interview

2007-12-14T22:20:00.000-08:00

There's so much to talk about, but I'll try to take it one thing at a time. First of all, Jeff and I attended our educational seminar at Bethany a week ago. My mom was fantastic and took care of Jonathan for us so that we'd be free for the day, and Jeff took the day off of work. All this was the day before Jonathan's 3rd birthday party and the beginning of a very full week for our family.

We found the whole day really valuable. All the presentations went at a good pace with a good balance of discussions, speakers, and breaks. We heard from case workers, birth moms, and adoptive parents. It was really amazing to see how much a birth mom could benefit and heal by having a healthy relationship with her baby's adoptive parents. I knew that it was good for the baby, but I didn't realize how important it was for the birth mom. There were several times that I got teary and had to count something to avoid crying-mostly happy tears. (It worked!) I really wasn't up for crying in front of strangers that day! We learned a lot, including some helpful information about the legality of everything, but definitely didn't learn anything to dissuade us from this path. We enjoyed going out to lunch together, too! There were several other couples participating in our seminar that were at different places as far as deciding whether or not to adopt. I think we were probably the only ones who already had our paperwork turned in. We're now in touch with a few of the couples via email. I wish we had a chance to get to know some of them better, but as we were seated in rows and not facing each other, we only had a chance to do that during breaks and formal discussions.

We got in touch with Sangeeta, our case worker, today. She asked us if we had made photocopies of our applications, which, of course, we hadn't. As it turns out, this has never happened before, but Bethany has lost our paperwork. Unbelievable. I just felt sick when I heard her say it. Apparently, everyone at the office is just sick about it, too, and they've looked everywhere. So, we have to do it all again. Ugh! The great news is that they don't want us to give up on Bethany, and, as Sangeeta says, they want to get back in our "good graces," so she's making time to do our intake interview TOMORROW, and we will both probably be able to do our individual interviews next week. Jeff and I are both very ready to proceed, so this is exciting. Maybe this mishap will speed our process along-at least, we hope so!

I really didn't expect any action from Bethany for two or three more weeks, so I'm not nervous at all but looking forward to getting going on all these hoops we have to jump through. (I'm more preoccupied with making sure Jonathan has someone to care for him on such short notice.) Besides the paperwork we now have to redo, I think there's MORE paperwork ahead that's a lot trickier and thought provoking. So, the sooner we can get that over with, the better.

Loved by Choice

2007-11-26T07:51:00.000-08:00

We've begun our required reading, and the first book I read is Loved by Choice: True Stories that Celebrate Adoption by Horner & Martindale. Jeff has started it, too. I love the format-each section tells stories of different types of families and adoptions told by different people-birthparents, birth grandparents, adoptive parents, adopted children, case workers, and more. I read it straight through, but Jeff is reading the sections that look interesting to him. Some of the stories were tear-jerkers and made me fall in love with adoption, our possible child-to-be, and his/her mother and family, although it will be a long time before I know who these people are. I have a lot to learn but am getting a really good feel for what we're getting into. I'm more and more convinced that this is where God is leading us. And I think this would be a good book for our relatives to read, too, since this adoption thing is new for pretty much everyone in our family, as well.

Who Knew?

2007-11-25T20:36:00.000-08:00

About a week ago, I had my Creative Memories open house, and one of my new friends from MOPS, Carlene, dropped in. As we chatted, it came up that her daughter, who is in Jonathan's class at MOPS, is adopted. Not only that, but she's adopted through Bethany-even the same branch office that we're going through. I never would have guessed. I was so taken aback by this news-in a good way-and I got pretty teary. Carlene, her husband, and her daughter Kaci, are kindhearted, wonderful people. Carlene had only positive, glowing things to say about her experience. Her daughter is such a little blessing, and she is being raised to be a loving blessing to others. MyI am so thankful that God provided a friend that I already had that has been down this road we're traveling. I didn't think I knew anyone personally who had this experience. Carlene is not a close friend yet, but with one more thing-this big thing-in common, I'm sure I'll enjoy getting to know her better. She encouraged me to pick her brain as much as I need to! :)

Over Thanksgiving weekend, we finished telling our immediate family of our hopes and plans for adoption. We all have a lot to learn, but Jeff and I are still feeling hopeful and excited.

Recent Adoption Articles

2007-11-17T10:36:00.000-08:00

"This is What Adoption Feels Like"-on MSN.com
"Are You Ready to Adopt?"-on FamilyLife.com

A Step with Commitment

2007-10-29T20:04:00.000-07:00

We turned in our application. Friday, before we dropped off Jonathan and had our getaway to the City, Jeff and I dropped off our application for domestic adoption at Bethany Christian Services. What a great feeling to have that first step under our belts. Oh, and we paid our fee for the mandatory adoption seminar on December 7, too. The gal at Bethany was surprised that we finished our application before their quarterly seminar. But, why delay any steps that might be taken between now and then? We both feel that this is God's direction for us at this point, and we both feel hopeful-what a good feeling. I'm not sure how much I'll post about our journey up to this point, but I will say that we are feeling hopeful, and I haven't felt very much hope in a long time. So, we are very thankful.

We are praying that God will be preparing a baby for our family and will match that baby to us soon. I suppose that we may be getting ahead of ourselves, since we still have to go through interviews and home studies and actually be approved to be adoptive parents. But we can't help but pray in that direction.

One interesting thing about this journey is that, although we have both felt strongly that babies should be given life rather than abortion, we have never been able to do something very tangible about it. This is our chance. Maybe we're in this situation to give a baby a chance at life that it wouldn't have had otherwise.

Journey to Adoption

Waiting for News

Where We Are Now

Dear Friend

We're Still Here!

What a great quote...

Article About Adoption

Free Diaper Giveaway!

Congratulations are in order!

Watching God Work

Flattered!

Please Remember Mom Loves You

Fun to Think About

Our Profile is Public!

News from Sangeeta

Good News (Updated)

Another Update

News from Sangeeta:

The latest from Kendall

Sweet Gift

Calling Kendall-updated

Long-Distance Excitement

Talking to Kendall

30 Days

From the Not-So-Distant Past

Mother's Day **updated**

Waiting Family Newsletter #2

Getting Your Questions Answered

Progress!

Bite Back!

For the Nursery (and a New PS!)

WE ARE A WAITING FAMILY!

Grab the Kleenex

Here's the Latest

Un. Be. Lievable.

Afghan...

A Setback...or Not?

Sarah Groves-Less Like Scars

Anticipation

A New Niece for Ellen

More Fingerprints

The Girl I Used to Be

Glitch in the Process

Waiting Family Newsletter

Jonathan, again

The Latest from Sangeeta

More About Compassion

Jonathan

While We're Waiting

Everything to Me

99.9% Done, Part 2

99.9% Done

A Change to the Blog

Waiting on the State

We've Been Waiting for You

Harder Than I Thought

CPR Day

New Snapshots

A Speed Bump

More Progress

Progress and a Date

Going Public

Home Study

Individual Interviews

Intake Interviews

Dear Birthmother, Thank You for Our Baby

The Seminar, the Paperwork, and the Interview

Loved by Choice

Who Knew?

Recent Adoption Articles

A Step with Commitment

Mother's Day updated